Michael
“It’s going to be the best wall. People are saying it’s the only solution,” claims president-elect.
PALM BEACH, FL — In an unprecedented move that promises to revolutionize beachfront security measures and redefine the term “echo chamber,” President-Elect Donald Trump has announced plans to construct a state-of-the-art wall entirely encircling his Mar-a-Lago estate. The wall, which Trump assures will be “the biggest and best, you’ve never seen anything like it,” is ostensibly designed to keep out what he described as “unwelcome realities” and “those annoying little facts.”
During a press conference held in the luxurious Mar-a-Lago ballroom, where chandeliers outnumber the attendees, President-Elect Trump detailed his vision for the wall. “We’re going to build it so high, so strong, no reality is going to get through,” he declared, gesturing expansively around the room where reality has already been on the no-fly list since January 2017.
According to blueprints whimsically sketched on a Mar-a-Lago cocktail napkin, the wall will feature cutting-edge technology, including Reality-Deflecting Panels™ and a 24/7 Alternate Fact Broadcasting System. “We’ll have speakers playing a loop of the greatest hits from my rallies,” Trump explained, “just to keep morale high and facts low.”
Sources close to the president-elect revealed that Mar-a-Lago guests will be issued complimentary rose-colored glasses upon entry, offering a seamless transition into the alternate dimension within the wall’s perimeter. “It’s like a spa for your sense of denial,” said an anonymous guest who was definitely not a paid actor.
Environmentalists have raised concerns about the wall’s impact on local ecosystems, but Trump was quick to assure them, “Our experts, many people, tell me there are no ecosystems in Florida. It’s a hoax, just like climate change.” He further vowed to make the sea turtles pay for any construction costs incurred, though the logistics of this funding strategy remain unclear.
In a surprising twist, Trump hinted at plans to monetize the wall by offering exclusive “No-Reality Tours,” where visitors can experience what life is like on the inside. “It’s going to be huge. People are going to come from all over to see what it’s like to live without reality,” he boasted, adding that Mar-a-Lago memberships would include a lifetime supply of alternative truths.
As the announcement concluded, reporters were treated to an impromptu performance by a mariachi band hired to serenade guests with a new rendition of Pink Floyd’s “Another Brick in the Wall,” though the lyrics were subtly altered to celebrate “another breach in the truth.”
With construction set to begin as soon as a contractor can be found who accepts payment in exposure and commemorative Trump Steaks, one thing is clear: Mar-a-Lago is on track to become the premiere destination for those seeking to escape the burdens of factual existence. As Trump succinctly put it, “Reality is for losers. It’s time to make America imagine again!”
Penny Riter
