Penny Riter
Whoopi Goldberg Declares Love for Donald Trump, Cites “Irresistible Charm”
In a Shocking Turn of Events, the Former Trump Critic Now Can’t Get Enough of His Tweets and Ties
In an earth-shattering revelation that has left political analysts, Hollywood insiders, and Aunt Edna from Tulsa in utter disbelief, Whoopi Goldberg, the outspoken co-host of The View, has announced her newfound admiration for none other than Donald J. Trump.
Yes, you read that right. The very same Whoopi who once set metaphorical fire to her TV screen every time Trump spoke is now singing his praises, claiming that his “irresistible charm” and “impeccable tie selection” have won her over.
“It’s like I just woke up one morning and realized that I’ve been wrong all along,” Whoopi said in an exclusive interview. “That man knows how to rock a suit, and his tweets? Absolute masterpieces of modern literature. Who knew 280 characters could hold so much wisdom?”
A New Dawn for Fashion and Twitter Feeds
In addition to his sudden prowess in the world of literary brevity, Whoopi has also developed a newfound appreciation for Trump’s fashion sense. “I mean, have you seen his ties? They’re the perfect length! Why did no one tell me this before?” she exclaimed, clutching a newly purchased MAGA hat.
Sources say that Whoopi is planning an entire segment on The View dedicated to “The Art of the Tie,” a nod to Trump’s acclaimed book, “The Art of the Deal.” Co-host Joy Behar is reportedly “rethinking everything” and was last seen Googling “how to dress like Melania.”
A Love Story for the Ages
As Goldberg’s publicists scramble to explain this perplexing shift in worldview, rumors are swirling that the actress might be taking inspiration from Trump’s 90s-era TV cameos. “I mean, I’ve always been a fan of Home Alone 2,” Whoopi confessed. “Maybe this has been brewing in my subconscious for years.”
Critics are left scratching their heads, wondering if this newfound affection for the former president is part of a larger trend among talk show hosts. Will Ellen DeGeneres next reveal that she’s joining the GOP, or is this just a bizarre, isolated incident?
For now, Whoopi’s conversion remains a mystery, much like the Bermuda Triangle or the number of licks it takes to reach the center of a Tootsie Pop. But one thing is clear: 2023 just got a whole lot weirder.
Love it or leave it, this surprising twist has left America with one burning question: What’s next, cats and dogs living together in harmony? The world waits with bated breath for Trump’s response tweet, which sources say will likely include at least one groundbreaking emoji.
Michael
